Balance

10.13.20

It’s a slippery slope, balancing the reality of the oppression you face and how much it hinders you with the responsibility that remains yours, to fight for your life & fulfill your purpose. Afrikan people are often not left with many options. We must use what we are given and do so with precise application. We must balance our spiritual expectation for success with our logical expectation of rejection from a racist and bigoted system created to fail us, steal from us & discard us.

No matter how high we climb or how low we plunge, we see death around the corner. Systematic oppression makes sure that if state violence does not directly kill us, neglect and denial that creates dangerous environments will do the trick. How then, do we move forward? Through debilitating disabilities, violence, neglect & suffering, I have relied so heavily on my community. And my community has relied on me. Since I was a child, I felt a responsibility to my people. To any people suffering. I began acting on those responsibilities right away and never stopped. I believe that’s the only thing that has saved me, kept me alive through my tumultuous and unconventional life. My drive to care for others. Because someone cared for me. It’s balance, you see.

I’ve been the angel in some people’s story and I’ve been the villain in others. I’ve been the victor and I’ve been the loser. The roles never permanently stay the same. But I’ve seen too much villainy and I’ve lost too much due to the flagrant, diabolical systematic issues plaguing this country and this world. White supremacy is a disease. And though I’m not yet dead, it is killing me. It’s killing us. What freedom and choice I do have, I have because of the balance I strive everyday to maintain. The mental, spiritual, political, emotional, the physical balance this system works so hard to keep off-kilter. To keep the scales tipped in their favor. To maintain their power over Black people & any people of color they cannot use for their own gain.

It’s the balance I reach for...For without it, I am dead.